some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
