Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
