I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There r osticjed everywhere
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
