Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
