ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
