if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
