Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
