Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
