toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize