Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
