Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
