My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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