I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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