"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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