Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
