not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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