grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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