you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize