Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I AM VODKA MAN
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
