you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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