Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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