Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
