Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
