There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
