Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
