my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
