Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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