his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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