I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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