i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
