I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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