im drinking this country out of the recession.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
