We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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