he puts the penis in happiness.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
