Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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