OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
