OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
