I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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