Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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