While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
