Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
