Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize