I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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