i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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