so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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