A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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