my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
