Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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