I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
