i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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