How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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