its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
