that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
