one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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