I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Randomize