Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
