I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
