thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
