I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
