I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
