I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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