I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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