just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
