I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
