I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
