so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
