the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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