I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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