All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
