Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize