Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
